


It's Always Been You Moony

by pdx72576



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: First Kiss, Getting Together, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, oblivious boys, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:15:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27675920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pdx72576/pseuds/pdx72576
Summary: After an awkward moment between Remus and Sirius in the dorm, it takes a talk with James for Remus to see what's really going on.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 97





	It's Always Been You Moony

**Author's Note:**

> Just a sweet wolfstar one-shot. This was written when I should have been doing real work, so please forgive any mistakes I didn't catch :)

Remus sat on end his bed trying to focus on the assigned History of Magic reading, when a small square of chocolate landed on the open book. With a sigh, he looked up to see Sirius sprawled across his own bed, smiling back at him.

“I’m bored Moony. You’ve been reading for ages.”

“If you’re so bored, maybe you could also do the assigned reading” Remus returned, turning his attention back down to the book.

“Come on Moony, are you honestly trying to tell me the History of Magic reading is the cure to my boredom? Your eyes have been drifting shut for the past 10 minutes”

“Yes while lucky for me I had some light incoming fire to keep me awake” Remus smirked, holding up the chocolate before popping it in his mouth.

“You know me, just trying to help. Both keeping you awake and supplying you with chocolate, the dark kind which I know happens to be your favorite.”

Remus rolled his eyes, though the right side of his mouth turned up in a small smile “Don’t know what I’d do without you Pads”

Sirius sat up, climbing off the side of his bed. He made his way over to the end of Remus’s bed, sitting down beside him. “Luckily you’ll never have to find out. If you’re going to insist on continuing to read, at least you could read to me”

“You want me to read aloud to you as if you were a child?”

“First of all, I would never subject a child to the type of slow monotonous torture that is Professor Binn’s assigned reading, and second of all, you were the one who said this reading was the answer to my boredom, so read to me. Besides, I like the sound of your voice”

Remus felt his face flush, and looked back down to the book hoping Sirius wouldn’t notice. Reluctantly he began to read aloud from the textbook. After a few minutes, he felt Sirius’s head drop down onto his shoulder. Remus’s heartbeat sped up at the contact, but he continued to read, hoping Sirius hadn’t noticed the waiver in his voice. 

“Your reading is lovely Moony, but I stand by the fact that this is in fact, incredibly dull.” Remus could feel Sirius’s breathe against his neck as he spoke. He felt Sirius lift his head and he turned to respond, only to find Sirius’s face mere inches from his. Remus froze. 

“I think maybe, there are much more interesting things we could be doing Moony” Sirius spoke softly, at this point his heart was beating so loudly he thought for sure Sirius could hear it. Remus continued to sit there looking Sirius right in the eye but not moving. Slowly, almost imperceptibly Sirius leaned in closer. 

The textbook slid off Remus’s lap and landed with a loud thud on the floor, at the sound Remus jumped up off the end of the bed, quickly moving to pick up his book. 

“Right well, sorry my reading is boring you Pads, but I have to work ahead, with the full coming up. Peter’s down in the Common Room, maybe he can entertain you”. Remus’s head was spinning. 

Sirius stared back at him. Remus tried to identify the look behind his eyes, he seemed almost, hurt? Then, quickly the look was gone, shifting into a tight smile. Sirius laughed softly, 

“Oh Moony, so easily flustered.. You know how I love to make you blush” he stammered Of course, with Sirius everything was always a joke, nothing was ever, well, serious. 

“Right, well, if you’re going to keep reading, I guess I should head downstairs”. At first he didn’t move, he just stared back at Remus with a questioning look as if waiting for Remus to respond. Remus stared back silently, not trusting his voice just then.

“Right well, sorry for um.. disturbing your reading” Before Remus could say anything, he disappeared out of the dorm room door. 

Remus left out a breath and sat back down on the end of his bed, replaying what had just happened. He had thought, for the briefest moment that Sirius was going to kiss him, but that was entirely unexpected. He knew that Sirius flirted with anyone and everyone. He had seen him snog countless people in the Common Room, just for fun as Sirius had put it, always seeming indifferent afterwords.

He knew Sirius had no way of knowing how Remus really felt about him, but he couldn’t help but feel hurt, and a little angry, the way Sirius had laughed it off. Was Sirius just messing with him? 

“Why does he think he can do whatever he wants” Remus muttered under his breathe

“Did you and Padfoot have a fight?” Remus jumped at the sound of James voice, and looked up to see him standing in the doorway. 

“Not exactly”

“Well he just tore through the common room without responding to me calling for him, and well, he looked upset. And you are in here talking to yourself, so seems like something happened”

Remus sighed, “Its nothing, I just don’t understand how he can act without thinking sometimes. It’s like during the full, he always transforms at the very last minute, it doesn’t matter if I beg him not to wait. And now this, he just, he just acts as if his actions don’t have consequences for other people. 

“Wait, is this about-” James’s eyes grew wide. The prank last spring had almost ruined the marauders, Remus and Sirius especially, and the last thing he wanted was for them to be rehashing that fight.

“No, no this is not about that”. Remus hesitated, not sure if he should explain to James what had just happened. He was pretty sure James suspected he had feelings for Sirius. They had never addressed it directly but James had certainly sent a few knowing glances his way when he caught him staring at Sirius. 

“Did something… else happen with Padfoot?” James looked back at him with a small smile, one eyebrow raised

“No.” Remus sighed heavily. 

James just looked at him expectantly.”But?”

“It um, almost did.. - Or I thought it might”. Remus couldn’t seem to make eye contact with James, too embarrassed.

James glanced a few times awkwardly between Remus and the open door seeming to be debating whether or not he should have this conversation, then let out a resolved sigh and sat next to Remus on the end of the bed, running his hand through his already messy hair.

“Remus, I’m your friend. You can talk to me. Besides, I’m not completely oblivious, I know there’s something going on between you two. Frankly, I’m starting to worry you’ll ruin your friendship before you idiots figure it out”

“Gee, thanks James”

“Moony, what happened?”

“Its just, there was a…. moment where I thought, I dunno, maybe he might….” Remus couldn’t bring himself to say it out loud. “And then I dropped my book, and we both jumped, and then he just sort of,” Remus kept his gaze down at the floor, “He just sort of laughed it off and left. I guess I just thought, or I hoped at least…anyways it was stupid I should have known” He paused there, unsure how much he really wanted to share with James. This was embarrassing enough without having to lay out for James that he knew that Sirius, who could have anyone he wanted, would never give him a second look.

“We really don’t have to talk about this Prongs, it's fine. I guess I just wish he wouldn’t joke like that with me”

“You’re saying that you guys almost….” James trailed off looking at Remus, who nodded “And you think, that Padfoot was just playing around with you?” Remus nodded again “Look, I don’t want to get in the middle of…. whatever is going on between you two, but you’re daft if you think he was just trying to mess with you.”

“I’m not saying he was trying to be cruel, there’s no way he could know but-”

“Moony” James interrupted. He paused there, seeming to weigh his words carefully before continuing, “Moony, when Sirius showed up at my house after he left home for good-” 

This pulled Remus’s eyes from the floor finally, turning his full attention to James. Much like last year's prank, this was not something they spoke about directly. James had written to Remus that night, told him how Sirius had shown up in the middle of the night with only a few belongings. How he had bruises and gashes, how he was soaked to the bone clearly having walked at least part of the way. James had confided in Remus how shaken Sirius had been, how he almost collapsed once he finally made it into the Potter house, how he had winced in pain when Mrs. Potter pulled him into a tight hug. They hadn’t really spoken about it much since that night. It became clear that Sirius didn’t want to talk about it, and James, loyal to the end, would follow his lead, only the occasional joke about Sirius becoming the favorite son.

“He sat in my living room, soaking wet, bleeding, and I watched him try to joke with my mom, he told her he just needed a place to stay for a few nights, promised to get out of their hair quickly. I had told him so many times that he was always welcome, but he still tried to leave before they could reject him.”

Remus hated thinking of Sirius that way, scared and alone, thinking that no one would want him. Most people only knew the Sirius that was full of bravado, with a sharp retort for everything. Remus knew the Sirius whose nightmares about his family woke him up at night. The Sirius who asked him to sleep in his bed, unable to fall back asleep if he were alone. 

“When she said that Moony, told him that he wasn’t going anywhere, that they loved him as a son, he just stared at her like.. like..”

“Like he’d never heard it before” Remus finished quietly, “Like no one had ever said it to him”

James nodded slowly before continuing, “Look Remus, this is between the two of you, all I’m saying is that just because Sirius tried to laugh something off doesn’t mean it was really a joke.” 

Remus knew Sirius better than almost anyone, and he had seen him turn things into a joke to deflect the sting of rejection before. He did it with his parents, he did it when when Regulus wouldn’t even make eye contact with him when they passed in the corridor, but he didn’t understand why Sirius could be doing that with him. If Sirius was laughing off the moment between them to avoid rejection, well that would imply- 

“I think you should talk to him”

“Yeah, I probably should go find him” 

James nodded, pulling a familiar folded piece of parchment out his pocket and handing it over.

“This might help. I’m heading down to the Common room, see if I can get Wormtail to play me in Exploding Snap again. He’s a little sore over losing his right eyebrow last week but I think he can be convinced” James glanced over at Remus whose eyes had fallen back to the floor. He reached up and tousled Remus hair affectionately, “It’ll be alright Moony”

James reached for the doorknob but stopped, turning back to Remus “He waits until the last second to transform because he says he doesn’t want you to be alone any longer than you have to be. I got after him about it to, but he’s a bloody stubborn idiot”

Once Remus heard the door swing closed behind James he opened the map quickly, “I solemnly swear I am up to no good”. As footsteps began to appear all over the map, Remus’s eyes went to the first spot he suspected he’d find Sirius, and sure enough at the top of the Astronomy Tower he found one set of footprint, unmoving, marked Sirius Black.” Remus folded up the map and cast it aside on his bed. He knew then that he had to tell Sirius how he felt. Even if it might makes things weird between them, he needed them to not have any secrets.

Before he could give it another thought, Remus found himself rushing down the stairs from the dorm, through the common room and out the Portrait hole. A rush of adrenaline carried him through the mostly empty corridors until he found himself at the base of the steps to the Astronomy Tower. 

Once he reached the top, Remus stopped. He wasn’t really sure what would happen next, but he desperately wanted things to be ok between Sirius and him. He stood there silently watching as Sirius faced away from him staring out across the Hogwarts grounds, cigarette burning in his left hand. Remus’s breathe caught as he watched Sirius take a slow drag off the cigarette, silhouetted by the warm glow of the sun setting in front of him. 

Remus had spent countless hours wishing not to love Sirius, not in the way that he did. He had wished and wished that he could look at Sirius the way James did, a best friend, a brother. Slowly, over time, he accepted that for him Sirius would always be different. No matter how much he tried, he couldn’t stop loving the raven haired boy who had befriended him on the train 6 years ago. The boy who after discovering Remus was a werwolf had hugged him as tightly as he could and told him over and over again that it didn’t matter, that nothing had changed as Remus’s tears slowly turned from fear to relief. The same boy who had put in countless hours of research and work to do something that seemed impossible so that Remus would never have to spend another night alone in the Shrieking Shack. 

He replayed the stung look in Sirius’s eyes earlier as Remus had stood silent in their dorm, how he had shifted to a careful, painted smile, a tight laugh, a fake one Remus realized now. He had spent so much time wishing away his feelings, he never imagined Sirius could feel anything for him. It seemed impossible that this boy who shined so brightly would ever want someone like him. 

“Hi Moony” he said quietly, startling Remus from his thoughts. He put the end his cigarette out on the window ledge. “You really didn’t have to follow me, just needed a minute”

“Were you really joking,” Remus blurted out.

“What?” Sirius turned to face him now

“Earlier, in the dorm. You seemed.. I mean you almost-” he stammered, “I mean we almost…I thought you were going to..” he stopped and closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath “Sorry, this is harder than I thought”

“Moony are you alright? You aren’t making any sense. Have you dipped into my fire whiskey stash? I mean by all means what’s mine is yours, though I’m a little hurt you indulged without me-“

“Don’t do that. Please Padfoot, don’t make a joke right now”. Remus opened his eyes and fixed his gaze on Sirius. Sirius’s smile faltered and he looked nervous, vulnerable. Remus summoned his Gryffindor courage and continued.

“Sirius, I need to tell you something. Honestly, I don’t know if I should, I’m afraid that it could ruin our friendship, and I don’t think I could bear that, but I also hate not being honest with you”

“Have you been keeping things from me Moony? After coming out as a werewolf, and well, coming out, what could possible be left?” He smirked slightly, but his eyes stayed fixed on Remus, unsure. 

“Earlier, in the dorm, I thought you were going to kiss me, but then you just played it off like a joke.”

Sirius winced, “Remus I’m sorry I-

“Please Pads” he interrupted, “Please let me just get this out”

Sirius nodded silently and gestured for Remus to continue

Remus swallowed, continuing “You played it off like a joke, and it hurt because I ….. fancy you” Remus looked down, unable to meet Sirius’s eyes.

“You fancy me” Sirius repeated

“No-”

“You don’t fancy me? Remus, what’s going on?”

Remus looked up now. Sirius had taken a half step back and crossed his arms, as if guarding himself. 

“Sorry, I don’t just fancy you, if I’m being honest. It's… more than that. You’re my best friend, and I have tried so hard not to feel this way, I promise I have” He could feel his eyes fill with tears “I’m so sorry Sirius, the last thing I want to do is make things weird between us. I can’t lose you, please, I just need you to know so I can move on”. Remus thought back to the conversation he had with James, _almost as if no one had ever said it to him before_. Even as tears began to spill over he continued “I‘m in love with you”.

Suddenly Sirius took two quick steps forward, and there he was standing right in front of Remus. Slowly, tentatively he raised his hand to cup Remus’s face. Gently, he used his thumbs to wipe the tears from under his eyes. 

“Moony” he said quietly. “You were right. About earlier. I did almost- I mean we did almost- I was going to..” He laughed softly and shook his head “ Ok you were right, this is hard.” 

“Remus you have to know I wouldn’t do that, wouldn’t mess with you” He took a deep breath and continued. “Earlier in the dorm, I wanted to kiss you. Also, yesterday by the lake, and last week in the hospital wing…I’ve wanted to kiss you for a while, but I didn’t know if you wanted me to, and I couldn’t risk our friendship.. not again.” 

Remus stood completely still, afraid to move. “And now?” He whispered.

Sirius smiled, hands still placed gently on either side of Remus face, and leaned in slowly.

“Wait-” Remus breathed, and Sirius froze. “Please Sirius, don’t do it if you don’t mean it”

“Its always been you Moony” and then he leaned in and pressed his lips softly to Remus’s. Remus had thought about this moment plenty of times before, but he couldn’t have imagined the dizzying joy as Sirius’s lips moved slowly against his. After a moment Sirius pulled back just a little and said softly “I love you too Moons”. 

“You do?” Remus whispered," But.. but why?” 

Sirius laughed, “Only you would ask that Moony”. He leaned down placing a soft kiss to the right side of Remus’s jaw,

“Because when I had nightmares about my family, you would lay next to me in my bed until I fell back asleep, but you never made me talk about it if I didn’t want to” 

Then the left side

“Because I was never happier than when I woke up and you were still there” 

A small kiss on the corner of his mouth 

“Because what I want more than anything is to wake up next to you everyday” 

“But Sirius, you could have anyone, and I’m-”

“You’re kind,” Sirius interrupted, “And handsome, and so funny, you’re impossibly patient, you put everyone else before yourself, and you make me happier, just from being near you.”

This time, it was Remus who leaned forward connecting their lips. This kiss was less hesitant, Remus felt Sirius’s arm at the small of his back, pulling him closer. Remus tangled both his hands in Sirius’s hair, drinking him in slowly. Remus put aside his fear and insecurity, and kissed Sirius passionately, trying to convey that no matter how many times Sirius had felt rejected before, Remus loved him. He always had. 

They broke apart after a few minutes breathing heavily. 

“I should um, probably get back to the dorm, finish my reading,” Remus gasped.

Sirius laughed fully, “of course you should Moony.” He ran a hand through his hair seeming to collect himself, before casting a fond gaze back at Remus, “Alright, let’s head back then, make sure you finish your reading”

Remus grabbed his hand, intertwining their fingers. He pulled Sirius towards the steps before stopping, “unless you wanted to show me the more, _interesting things_ you were thinking of before” He turned back and gave Sirius a lopsided grin. 

Sirius froze for a moment as he seemed to process Remus’s words. Remus watched a flush creep up Sirius’s neck, before smiling back at him, “I could think of a few things. You’re right, we better get to the dorm, seems the most responsible thing to do,” before prodding Remus lightly down the stairs.


End file.
